Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
