maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
