Where did you get a picture of my penis
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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