She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm having to shit out rocks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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