So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
