my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
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he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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