i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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