yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
So. Much. Porn.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
