I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
