Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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