the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I am full of burrito and curiosity
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
