You work out of a Hotel?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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