I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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