Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
