Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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