WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
