i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The ass gains better be worth it
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