so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
