Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
