i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
