She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
