we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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