it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
