i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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