Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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