it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
