i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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