We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
