somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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