i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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