all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
