It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
