first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and she was petting her beer can
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
