i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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