Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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