Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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