Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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