That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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