Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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