Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
