im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
