He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
