She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
