i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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