Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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