yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
