Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize