there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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