I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
