Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
