can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
