I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
