Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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