he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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