Have you finally orgasmed yet?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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