I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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