I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
