I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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