just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
