I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
