sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
